Un-homed but Not Unhinged: One step forward, one step back

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So someone recently offered me a temporary room. It was someone I know who didn’t know my current circumstances.

Nothing specific was discussed but of course they offered “until I get on my feet.” I certainly appreciate the offer but I notice that there are mixed thoughts going through my head. To my surprise I notice an immediate reluctance to take it, and I can sense several reasons for it.

On one hand I feel reluctant to get someone into an open-ended commitment that I can’t guarantee a result, or some end point. I’d like to think, as usual, that things are going to improve soon; one of those “just over the horizon” kind of rosy outlooks.

Even if offered freely enough now, how do things go in another six months if things don’t improve? If nothing else, I’ve learned that guarantees aren’t all they propose to be. And I only need to turn back the pages of memory into my personal life to see how promises of improvement can fracture relationships when drawn out on longer time frames.

On the other hand, I have a rhythm with things that is manageable. Suddenly the prospect of changing that up feels slightly daunting. A tension in the gut starts to grow in response to the uncertainties.

Part of it is that whole “range of motion” thing I wrote about earlier. You get used to your stomping grounds. And even though it would only be a few minutes away, it seems like a disconnection to what has become my anchoring point around my office.

Maybe it’s the sense of digging myself out, or pulling myself up by the bootstraps, or to be more accurate by the slipper straps. Any way you look at it, there are choices that need to be made and sometimes standing still can be all the progress needed for the moment.

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About the Author

  • Joe Bright
    Joe Bright
    Joe Bright is a graduate of Iolani School and went on to study art at The Cooper Union School of Art in New York City, and later Chinese medicine at The American College of Traditional Chinese Medicine in San Francisco. Joe currently runs a small acupuncture clinic, Kama’aina Acupuncture in Kapahulu as the first dedicated low-cost “community acupuncture” clinic in Honolulu. Joe has a varied background that has included working as a bicycle mechanic, freelance artist, teaching calligraphy and Tai Chi, a nanny, and even a CEO of a small entrepreneurial company. He continues to create art, even having work recently appear at the Honolulu Academy of Arts as well the Bishop Museum. He also continues with entrepreneurial projects when possible and serves on the Board of Directors for a local Buddhist meditation organization, Vipassana Hawai’i.
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